In honor of The So Cal Lady Bloggers, I am going to write about my body, my thoughts, my reflections and my struggles. The perfect title to this is, “The Girl in the Mirror.”
It starts so young, when a woman will start comparing herself to others. The minute she gets on that school bus, she is judged. If you are a shy girl, like I was, it’s even harder to fit in. It’s even harder to think good things about yourself because you internalize everything.
As a young girl, I had buck teeth, freckles, and I was skinny. Even then, being too skinny was not a good thing. The kids would run around the playground yelling, “Hey Skeleton” “Come find me Skeletor” or “Where do freckles come from?” As kids, we notice everything. And we tend to point out those differences not knowing any better. Kids can be mean.
As a teenager, I still dealt with my shyness, I still internalized things, and this time around I had a harder time accepting myself. You look to the popular girls, the really pretty girls, and you try to dress like them, you try to learn how to do make up, but give up soon after because when you look in the mirror you realize you look more like a clown then not. When in honesty, it was just because I did not know how to put it on. To this day, I choose to not wear makeup. My decision on this has changed over the years though 😉
In college, it is about dating. Who’s the cute guy or girl, they’re good looking, or lets go out and have a good time. People are getting comfortable in their own skin, and are coming into their own. For me, I was still shy, I still internalized, and I still didn’t accept myself for who I was. Often times, the very first time getting naked in front of another. And that can be ONE scary moment for women.
Years later, at 27 years old. Newly divorced, and in the bathroom when I stopped myself and I just looked in the mirror. I looked at myself. Wow. My hair was really pretty when long. I look deeper. Oh wow, look it my shoulders. They’re well defined. And I would start evaluating my entire body in front of me. Had it come to this? That for so long I’ve thought negative things about myself that when I looked in the mirror, I almost didn’t recognize myself. That I had this image in my head as to what I looked like, when I turned beautiful, I didn’t even know. It was the FIRST time I saw myself as beautiful.
The parts of my body I once found ugly I now look at these things as beautiful. My freckles now blend in, and I’ve literally told myself that they’re kisses from god. My long skinny legs have been well toned, and now they’re long and beautiful and look great in a dress. My teeth, which I’ve been so paranoid about for so many years, look so good when I add on a smile. And even my stomach, in which, the one body part I’m the most insecure about, is well defined.
I have become a woman, and it’s a beautiful thing. That’s the awesome part about being a woman. We’re all so different in size, shape, and composition. It’s what makes us beautiful and different from one another. As kids we learn to judge and look at the differences, but as adults, we learn to embrace those differences. And in the end, it is those differences that makes us the most beautiful of all.
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